Watch for Miller out in front of Caffe Aurora in Poughkeepsie this
evening for the Festival of Lights parade and fireworks. He'll be the
one hogging the warming station.
This is a
real cool kids' room mural. Too bad it took three months and the
kid's just going to smear mustard (or worse) on it when get gets older.
Thursday 11.29
"This call is being recorded for quality-assurance purposes". So says
the pre-recorded message from the 800 number you called. But if you
want to record the call for quality-assurance purposes (and perhaps
document any weaselry), you'll need
something like this if you're not enough of a
geek to figure out something on your own.
More here on
the "Oscar Wilde" appearance at the Poughkeepsie Barnes & Noble.
Wednesday 11.28
Mr.
J has checked out Miller's upside-down-turkey cooking theory...and for
once, Miller might actually have a recipe that isn't toxic and won't
leave scorch marks on your kitchen ceiling. Even a blind hog finds an
acorn once in a while! There's lots of different upside-down turkey
recipes. Just do some googling and you'll find 'em.
As
usual, Miller's story about how to test your lipstick for lead is
complete and utter nonsense. An urban
legend. Baloney. False.
Debunked. Mr. J quotes for emphasis (not
that it'll help with Miller):
...many readers have written to say they've
tried the "scratch test" and found that their gold jewelry does indeed
produce dark streaks in the lipstick. This is much more likely a
reaction to the wax in the product than to lead. In fact, a variety of
waxes will produce similar reactions with gold. Reliable detection of
lead in a product requires rigorous scientific testing, and cannot be
achieved "on the cheap" using normal household products.
How
bad for you can yogurt and fruit be? Sounds like health food -
it isn't.
We
keep telling you the nerds are going to inherit the earth, and here's
another reason why: the coolest football halftime marching band show
ever!
Monday 11.19
Congrats to the godparents:
Chances are you will not ever again see another photo of Miller both a)
wearing a tie and b) holding a baby. Also note Miller's baby-holding
technique, directly from the "How Not To Hold A Baby" guide.
Again, this is
how NOT to hold a baby. Poor little Addie is desperately trying to point
out that Miller's wearing too much after-shave, and as always Miller is
oblivious.
Only in Rhinebeck can we see a hunter driving a $70000 SUV...with an
eight-point buck bleeding all over it. Dude. Nice job hunting, but go to
a car wash already.
So
this time of year you're up to your eyeballs in catalogs...which might
be okay seeing as you're probably doing a bit of shopping. On the other
hand, the junk-to-usefulness ratio stinks, and getting off their mailing
lists is a beast.
Finally!
That's a link to
www.catalogchoice.org, which is a joint effort of several leading
environmental groups to deal with all the catalog waste by making sure
it doesn't get sent to you in the first place. Miller, on the other
hand, wants some extra Victoria's Secret catalogs. For Sal, of course.
And
via Miller, the legendary
Rainbow Bridge poem for departed pets, and its origin. Not that our
cats were ever this affectionate. Looks more like something for dog
people.
This may be the scariest link we've posted all year.
Be very afraid. It's a JC Penney catalog
from 1977. (warning: site contains some mildly salty language. And some
terrifying clothing.)
Mr.
J wishes he had a mom who shopped at Penney's when he was a kid. She was
Jamesway all the way.
In case you didn't live around here from the 70's until the early 90's,
Jamesway was the store for all those people for whom Caldor was
just too hip. Think Wal-Mart, only dirtier, with less style, less
selection, shoddier merchandise, dumber checkout staff, and more
parking-lot potholes - plus a business model that extended credit to any
fool who could fog a mirror.
Also, the water in the restrooms and water fountain at the Rhinebeck
Jamesway stank of sulfur. Mr. J's theory is that it's because one of the
men's room sinks was actually a conduit directly to Hell.
But they had sneakers for $1.29 and shirts at 5/$10, and that drew Mom J
like a crow to roadkill.
Consider yourself fortunate that no examples of Jamesway fashion appear
to have survived - and should they emerge coelacanth-like from the
depths of time, avert your eyes at once. You've been warned.
Here's a great use for old paper-towel tubes:
use them to store power cords. The smaller ones, like you use with
Christmas lights sometimes, anyway.
We've gotten a lot of calls about what to do with leftover Halloween
candy, and can we send that stuff to Iraq and Afghanistan, and what
about the upcoming holidays anyway?
Hope this helps.
Y'know that elderly relative who's always saying something
inappropriate? There's
science to explain it. You're still going to have an awkward
Thanksgiving, though.
